Run and Shoot

27 May 2012

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Sunday, Memorial Day weekend. I went out for my morning run. This time I am bringing you with me, through my camera.

stepping out from my porch; front yard bench

I started my run a little past six o’clock and the sun was already peaking in the horizon. It was a warm and breezy morning.

morning paper at my neighbor’s driveway, waiting for pick-up

man-made pond with fountain inside the subdivision, with the rising sun at the backdrop

if you look closely, there’s a duck in the middle of the pond

well-kept and manicured lawns in our community

winding uphill road

typical Iowa scene, with silo and barn and vast fields

a neighbor’s metal artwork staring at me while I was running

This sign does not faze me. I go through it.

Dead End

After I squeezed past the closed gate, I was out of our private subdivision and into the uninhabited backroads. From paved roads to gravel roads.

the long and lonely dirt road.

at the end of this road is the open cornfields

I just hope that when I am running on this gravel backroad that a car will not pass by or else I will be powdered with dust cloud and will be inhaling dirt. However this road is so deserted that rarely a car passes by here. In fact sometimes I’m afraid that if I collapse in this road, I think it may be hours before somebody will find me. But I don’t dwell on this thought.

expanse of open field

rows of growing corn

old red barn

I’m getting tired. Maybe I should ride on one of those horses home. Giddy-up horsey!

I’m getting thirsty too. But that’s not my beer can. Really.

Maybe I can get a drink in here. But what does “protection area” mean?

The gravel road leads to a sleepy small town. The town consists of just two parallel roads, a small cafe, a gasoline station, an antique store, a church and a number of houses. In fact it is so small I can run around the whole town in about 5 minutes.

edge of the small town

big silos in this small town

small church at the center of the town

After rounding at the nearby small town, it was time to head back home.

back on the gravel backroad again

From the backroad, I went around the side of this closed gate to enter into our housing community. Back to paved road again.

Party Parking? I think I missed the party.

hidden road

just around the bend is our home

the sun is now way up high

As I stopped several times to take pictures, it took me more than an hour to finish today’s run of about 4 miles, a distance I usually cover in less than 45 minutes. But I had a lot of fun with the run and shoot…..pictures that is.

approaching home

my Nike Zoom Structure Triax back to home base; standing at my front porch bench

(all pictures taken with my i-Phone)

Broken Pager

25 May 2012

4 Comments

I came home last Friday afternoon and my son who was happily waiting for my arrival asked me to shoot some hoops with him in our driveway basketball court. Even though I was tired and I was still on call, I obliged. That’s when I dropped my pager.

Yes, I still carry a pager or also known as a beeper. A system prescribed and hospital provided pager. Really? Really.

In this day and age of  mobile phones and smart phones, it is hard to believe that I still lug this dinosaur-like device on my hip. Why is this antiquated technology of almost half a century ago still exist and still being used?

Even though pagers are out of vogue in many professions, they are still being used especially in medical field. There are several reasons why a pager is still being used. First, in emergencies, an emergency signal or message can be sent to several pager units to respond to the call, like EMT, hospital code team and trauma team.

Secondly, inside buildings that are steel reinforced, or in part of the hospital like in radiology department, wherein the walls are lead insulated, as well as in basements, the cell phone receptions may be spotty. But pagers still works in these locations, making them indispensable.

Thirdly, there may be hospital equipments, especially in the ICU, that cell phones signals can interfere and disrupt. This is the reason why many hospitals do not allow visitors to use their cell phone inside the ICU, similar to why the airplane cabin crew orders passengers to shut off their cell phones during flight. But pagers are perfectly OK. Though I must admit, nowadays the restriction of using cell phones in the ICU is getting lax, especially when the doctors themselves (including me) use their mobile phones there.

Another advantage of pagers is if it goes off, you can read the message and have the option to answer it right away if it is really urgent, or you can delay answering it if it can wait, and continue whatever task you are engaged in. So it does not disrupt your workflow all the time.

But for me, the best thing about beepers is that you can turn it off when you’re not working or not on call.  It is harder to turn off the cell phone as it may not just for business but also for personal use. Plus if you are a doctor, you don’t want to give your cell phone number to your patients, right? That will be like tying a rock in your neck and jumping in a river.

Back to my dropped pager. After it accidentally fell, it broke into several pieces. Did I say accidentally?

Since it was the weekend I have no way of  replacing it right away. And since I was on call, I must have a working pager. So I tried to put back the pieces of my beeper together with duct tape! I tell you, duct tape can fix anything – fractured eyeglasses, broken toys, leaking pipes, loose gadgets, gossiping lips…..gossiping lips?

I was really surprised that after I taped my broken pager together that it still worked. It was actually working! Maybe in the back of my mind, I was hoping that my pager will stay broken, so I can be free from being on call. Wishful thinking.

It was a busy weekend and my duct-taped pager went off a hundred times or more. The calls kept on coming. My pager kept on beeping. I was really tempted to drop my beeper to the ground, this time more forcefully. But it did survive the weekend call. And so did I. Came Monday, I replaced it with a new one.

Maybe that’s another advantage of a pager. It can withstand the abuse of being “accidentally” dropped and still work. I will not dare do that to my i-Phone, which I also carry with me all the time.

Life in the Fast Lane

20 May 2012

9 Comments

We live life in the fast lane. Everybody is in a hurry-up mode. We have express lanes, express trains, express checkout, express mail, express delivery, instant coffee, instant noodles, instant messaging, fast foods, fast banking, fast cars, and anything you can think of, including express weddings, instant diploma, and fast money. All of these are designed to save us time. Who has time, and who wants to wait anyway?

fast lanes

The other day, I was really in a hurry. As I was preparing for the day, I hastily brushed my teeth and skipped the flossing (I know my dentist will not be proud of me) and was able to save about 2 minutes. I skipped breakfast altogether and shaved off another 15 minutes.

I zoomed down the Interstate pushing my car speed a little over the speed limit (OK it was only 5-9 miles/hour above the limit), and swerved through lanes, and was able to save about 3 minutes of commute. I arrived just in time for the early morning Grand Rounds. I snatched a banana at the foyer before entering the auditorium and ate it while listening in the meeting.

What followed the conference was a very busy day with lots of patients to see. During lunch I grab a fast-food type of meal in the hospital cafeteria and ate in front of a computer in the doctor’s lounge, while doing some of my paper works, office tasks and hospital documentation. I believe I saved about 20 minutes doing my work while eating (or inhaling?) my food, in my down time.

Call it fast (like Flash) or call it efficiency, but I did finish all my work in time and I was able to go home on time. Again I zoomed down the highway and again cut down 2 minutes of travel time. I am thankful that traffic in Des Moines does not crawl like in Manila, New York City or Los Angeles, where precious time are wasted sitting idle in traffic.

My wife asked me for an errand and so I stopped at the grocery store, on my way home. I was lucky for a car was pulling out of the parking lot and I slipped into its spot which was near the entrance, and thus probably saving 1 minute on searching for a parking slot. After getting what I needed at the store, I headed to the express checkout lane and saved 2 more minutes.

I arrived home safe and sound, after a fast and furious day.

All in all, I saved 45 minutes during that day. Now, what did I do with all those minutes saved? I spent it all – all 45 minutes, and then some more, another 75 minutes – in front of the TV! I usually don’t watch television much, but it is the NBA playoffs. At least, that is my excuse.

But this kept me thinking. Isn’t it ironic that we always complain that we don’t have enough time and yet we waste whatever time we have, recklessly? I think it is not as important how much time we save, than what we do to that time.

I really should spend my time doing more things of significance, like practicing that piano duet piece with my daughter, or work on my third language, so I don’t have to call the Spanish interpreter so often at work, or maybe just fix the long overdue pesky dripping bathroom faucet. I will. After the NBA finals.

(*photo from here)

Call of the Wild

15 May 2012

3 Comments

I grew up in a city.  I spent the first 27 years of my life thriving in the crowded city of Manila. I also lived for more than three years in New York City, the ultimate urban jungle. Not to mention also my short stint in Los Angeles. In spite of the fact that I am a city kid, I do love the wild. No, I don’t mean the crazy things people find in the city. What I mean is the wilderness.

Camping and mountaineering may not be a big cultural thing among Filipinos, but it has become a tradition in our family. In the school where I went to, camping is a yearly event. And I went to each one of them starting from 4th grade in elementary up until I finished high school. We had church camping as well. Going mountain climbing was also part of these trips. I have climbed to the peak Mt. Makiling, Mt. Makulot and Mt. Banahaw in the Philippines, and they were enchanting. A far cry from Smokey Mountain of Manila.

It is not surprising that I continued this camping and mountain hiking tradition with my own family here in the US. We went camping, almost every year, when we were living in New Jersey, New York, Florida, and now here in Iowa. It does not matter what season, for we camped in the spring, summer, fall and even early winter. Last weekend, my family, together with three other families (total of 11 kids) went for our spring camping.

Camping may not be appealing to many people. Who in their right mind would leave the comfort of their home, and their warm bed, and go and sleep in a tent with bugs and all, and freeze in the cold night? And call it fun? We do.

The weather was perfect during our camping, for it did not rain, though it dip down in the 40′s Fahrenheit in the early morning when we were out in the wild. But we were prepared and well-equipt.

We have a big and spacious tent, and I would not say that it is not without comfort.

our big tent, which can sleep 6 people comfortably

it can be cozy inside, especially when the campfire is near

We have air mattresses, so we don’t have to feel the rocks and uneveness of the dirt when we lay down. Our kids have warm sleeping bags that can be toasty inside even when the temperature is down in the 40′s.

plenty of room for our family of four

We even have a lantern inside the tent.

How about food and preparation of food? I would say that we are far from cooking like the cavemen did. Of course we can cook our food the old fashion way in the open fire.

roasting hotdogs

grilling in the open fire

Cooking in the open fire is fun, but it can take long and laborious. So for good measure we also brought a portable propane gas stove. The modern conveniences of camping!

our trusted propane stove

heating up water for the hot chocolate in the cold morning

We also brought lots of prepared food that we don’t have to cook, like adobo, brownies, cookies, and even cake. I know, I know, not your typical camping meal. So we have bountiful food that we are far from going hungry.

plenty of food on our table

What is camping without taking a hike through the forest and mountain? This year we went to the Backbone State Park near Lamont Iowa. It is Iowa’s oldest state park, dedicated in 1919. The park is more than 2000 acres and has 21 miles trail for hiking. It also has cliffs that climbers and rappellers can find challenging.

me and the trail sign

walking through the woods (“diwata ng gubat”- that’s actually my wife)

hiking under the shadow of a huge rock

open spaces overlooking a cliff

tight spaces between rocks

my best impression of Spiderman

conquering the rock

jumping from rock to rock

The trail even has a cave. It was not a big cavernous cave though. It was small and tight that you have to bend and crawl in the dark most of the way. Too claustrophobic and muddy for me. And it has bats. Yes, a bat cave! But no bat mobile in there.

climbing the trail leading to the cave

bending low to enter the cave

After crawling in the cave and getting dirty, we headed down the nearby creek to clean up. The water is clear and cold.

refreshing stream

We did not encounter much wild animals, just swarm of insects and birds flying around that filled the trail with their bird calls. No cougar, no elk, no bear (yes, there have been reports of black bear in Iowa), and no beaver that we spotted. (Though there are a lot of cows grazing in the prairie just outside the State Park.) But we did see sign of beaver marks around.

This tree was definitely chomped by a beaver.

After all the walking, climbing, jumping, and crouching, we needed some break time.

This type of break? (Don’t worry its all for effects. No fauna nor flora were endangered)

No. This type of break.

I know these camping trips and hiking can be exhausting, but they are also rejuvenating. Until the next call of the wild.

heeding the call of the wild

Sa Ilalim ng Buwan

6 May 2012

2 Comments

“O maliwanag na buwan,
Nakikiusap ako,
Ang aking minamahal,
Sana ay hanapin mo.”  - Filipino Folk Song by Levi Celerio

Isang gabing bilog ang buwan, ako ay lumabas at naupo sa aming bangko, doon sa harap ng aming bahay. Sa halip na ilaw ng poste ng Meralco, ay liwanag ng buwan ang tumatanglaw sa aking buong kapaligiran. Maaaninag din ang mangilan-ngilang bituin na kumikinang, kahit pa nasasapawan ang kanilang ningning ng maliwanag na buwan. Hindi mga dikit-dikit na bahay at lupon ng mga taong tambay ang aking tanaw kundi malawak na bakanteng lupain at mga punong kumakaway, ang sa akin ay nakatambad.

nagbibilad sa liwanag ng buwan (photo taken of the Supermoon 5/5/12)

Ibang iba na nga ang aking paligid, kumpara sa kinamulatan kong tahanan doon sa Sampaloc.

Imbes na maalinsangan na ihip ng hangin ng Maynila, ay malamig at sariwang simoy ng bukid ng Iowa ang humihimas sa aking buhok (may natira pa naman), mukha, at mga braso. Hindi masangsang na singaw ng nakaimbak na basurang hindi nakokolekta ang aking naaamoy, kundi samyo ng lilac at halimuyak ng bagong tabas na damo. (Hindi damo na sinisinghot ang aking tinutukoy.) Pero kung minsan ay nalalanghap ko rin ang hindi makakailang amoy ng mga baka at kabayo sa hindi kalayuang lugar mula sa aming bahay.

Hindi mga nag-kakaraoke na nag-iinuman sa kanto ang gumagambala sa himig ng gabi, kundi mga palakang naghaharana ang aking naririnig, habang  sumasabay din ang mga kuliglig sa kanilang pagawit. Hindi rin sigaw ng naglalako ng balut, kung hindi hiyaw ng kuwago ang paminsan-minsang bumabasag sa katahimikan ng aking madilim na paligid. Pero sana nga may mag-babalut na maligaw dito…….. Ipagpaumanhin ninyo, naiba ako.

Walang mga lasing na sumusuray-suray na dumadaan sa aming kalye, kundi mga alitaptap ang mga kumukuti-kutitap na nagsasayaw sa aking bakuran. (Meron ding “Alitaptap” doon malapit sa amin sa Sta. Mesa, na “patay-sindi” ang ilaw – pero ito ay beerhouse.) Walang mga tricycle na umaarangkada kahit malalim na ang gabi, kundi mga racoon at usa ang paminsan-minsa’y tumatawid sa aming walang kibo na lansangan.

Bilog na naman ang buwan. Alam kong maraming mga magkasintahan ang magkasama at nagbibilad sa liwanag ng buwan. Sila ay magkahawak kamay…..nangangarap…..nagsusumpaan…… sa ilalim ng buwan. Marami rin ang nabibigo, nababaliw, at sinusumpa ang buwan.

Nuong minsan, maraming taon na ang nakalilipas, ay dumadayo ako doon sa may Metrica, na bahagi pa rin ng Sampaloc. Dinadalaw ko doon ang isang magandang binibini. Hindi ko inaalintana ang mga panganib sa dilim ng gabi, dahil sa pagnanais kong makita ang dilag na naroon. Walang tambay, lasing, adik, trapik, prosisyon, mga demonstrador, brownout, ulan, bagyo, baha ang nakakaawat sa aking pagbisita sa magandang dalaga. May buwan man o wala.

Minsan din sa liwanag ng gabi…… sa lilim ng mga yero, linya ng Meralco, at mga sampayan doon sa Sampaloc……..sa magulo at masikip na kalye ng Metrica….. habang ang aming pabulong na usapan ay nilulunod ng ingay ng masalimuot na siyudad ng Maynila……doon kami ay minsan ding nangarap at nagsumpaan……..sa ilalim ng buwan.

Ano na ang nangyari sa magandang binibini doon sa Metrica? Narito, akin nang kaulayaw sa aming matahimik na lugar dito sa Iowa. Kasama ng aming mga anak. Sa ilalim ng buwan.

lover’s moon

My Patch of Paradise

3 May 2012

3 Comments

A friend of mine who is a journalist and a Palanca Award-winning writer from the Philippines visited us here in Iowa a few days ago. I have invited her over for many years, and finally she came. Maybe she got intrigued if Iowa really is as beautiful as I described it, or maybe she was just being gracious as a friend, and finally gave in to my open invitation.

Before she flew over, she scoured the bookstores in Metro Manila looking for a travel guide about Iowa. But she got disappointed. She did not find one. As far as Filipinos in Metro Manila, Iowa is not on their radar. It is not on the map. It does not even exist!

When I was about to move from Florida to Iowa many years ago, I told my friends about it. They asked me where the heck is Iowa, and the next question was if I was going crazy. Then I have to tell them where exactly is Iowa on the map. And as far as their second question is – I’ve been crazy for a long time, nothing new. When I told my folks in the Philippines that I will be moving to Iowa (after living in New Jersey, New York City, Los Angeles, and Florida), they asked me if Iowa is still part of the United States. Yes, many people think Iowa is in another planet!

After years of living here, many of our old friends still cannot recall where we really are. When we get in touch with them, they would ask, where we are living. Ohio? Idaho? Pluto? No. Listen, we live in I-O-W-A.

My friend stayed with us for only a couple of days, but it was enough to give her a lasting impact. After touring her around, she was impressed of the place we live in. After years of telling her of this place, and reading my blogs about this place, she finally saw it herself that Iowa is not just an artifact of my imagination. By the way, this is the friend of mine who encouraged me to start a blog in the first place.

My friend was so impressed that she even wrote an article in her newspaper column in the Manila Standard Today about this place, “A little patch of paradise.” Maybe it was the sight of the horses, and the smell of earth that inspired her to write it, as she is a horse enthusiast. Maybe it was the deafening sound of silence, and the velvety blackness at night in our place, that inspired her and cleared her head to write this. Or maybe it was the white chili soup that my wife cooked that inspired her. Whatever the reason is, I thank her for putting Iowa on the map, at least for Filipinos.

Maybe next time someone is looking for an Iowa travel guide at National bookstore in Manila, he or she will find one.

my patch of paradise (photo taken at one of the Covered Bridges of Madison County)

(*link of “A little patch of paradise” is from on-line edition of Manila Standard Today)

Fire and Rain

27 April 2012

5 Comments

The past several weeks has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me and my family. First was shock. Followed by joy. Next came more shock. Then grief. (see previous post)

In the few days that followed after our painful loss, a friend of mine asked me if we should cancel the camping for the boys that has been planned for a while, before all the unexpected turn of events had happened. He told me that maybe our family needs to spend time alone in our mourning.

So I asked my wife about this, but she was quick and firm to say that the plans for the boy’s outing should push through. She added that she will be fine while I am away. Besides, my son, who was really looking forward to this trip will be very disappointed if the camping will be postponed.

Yes we grieve for our loss, but we should also continue to celebrate life. For life should go on. No, life MUST go on. I tell you that life can be like butterfly wings: beautiful, yet can be delicate and fragile. But there’s nothing more resilient and tenacious than the human spirit.

Thus me and my son, together with our friends – another father and son team, headed to a lake-side camp and spent two days in the wild. Well it was not really the wild, for we slept in a cabin, that has heat, air-conditioning and even a refrigerator. There were two bunk beds, spacious enough for the four of us. By the way, this trip was only for the boys, but in a few weeks, our whole family, together with other families, will go for a “real” camping, that is sleeping in tents.

One of the main activity in the camp was building a fire. We enjoyed gathering firewood and sticks and starting our own fire like skilled boy scouts. OK, OK, we cheated. We brought lighter and wood fire starter, so it was no sweat at all. We spent hours and hours sitting around the campfire and staring at the fire. We burned woods, sticks, barks, leaves, paper, plastic, paper plates – basically anything we can find to burn. A little open fire brings out the pyromaniac in anybody.

Of course we cooked our meal too in the fire: hotdogs and marshmallows! What is camping without hotdogs and s’mores? We could have sung “Kumbaya” as well, but we’re too busy munching on our “perfectly” cooked food. Well for assurance, just in case we cannot start a fire, my wife did not let us leave without bringing chicken adobo and cooked rice. So we are not really left alone in the wild to fend for ourselves and survive without provisions.

During the early evening, angry rain clouds with gutsy winds came over. Rain fell over our campgrounds . But the rain did not extinguish our fire nor did it dampen our spirits. The rainfall did not spoil our fun, it just made the night more interesting. My son and his friend grab the umbrellas (yes, we even had umbrellas!) and frolic and dance around the fire. It was a mix of Native American fire dance and Gene Kelly’s Singin’ in the Rain. Minutes later, the clouds rolled away, and the twinkling stars appeared up in the sky.

This experience just reminded me that in life, even when the winds blow and rain pours, if we just hold on for a little longer and keep our flame burning, we will make it through, and we will see the stars again.

We also spent at least a couple of hours biking (we did hauled our bikes along) around the lake which has a nice bike trail, a loop of about 6-7 miles. Along the trail there was a covered bridge, an old round barn, farmlands, parks, beautiful lake-side houses, and of course the lake. It was certainly a scenic bike ride. Halfway through the trail, there was even a cozy diner that serve breakfast, lunch and dinner. So we were far from starving at all!

We did not do any water activity like fishing, kayaking or swimming as it was still too cold for the season. There are many pictures hanging on the wall of the cozy diner exhibiting photos of people showing off their prized catch from the lake, indicating that this place is a prime location for fishing. Maybe we will do that when we return some other time, so we will have big fish stories to brag about. Or should I say “fishy” stories.

As we were going home, I asked my son if he enjoyed our trip. He gave me a wide grin. I don’t need to ask more.

Life indeed continues.

Goodbye Ella Grace

20 April 2012

18 Comments

Why does a song ends before it can be heard,

Why does a rainbow fades before it can show,

Why did you say goodbye before we can say hello,

We haven’t even embraced you, why do you have to go?

Why Ella Grace, oh why?

You came unexpectedly, and left more unexpectedly,

But you brought us expectant joy, even for so briefly,

You showed us how to dream again, and all the possibility,

That life indeed is wonderful. Yes, definitely!

Thank you Ella Grace, thank you.

We can never know your face, even how much we try,

We can only imagine hearing your laughter and your cry,

We wish to cuddle you close, and feel your beating heart,

A heartbeat that was snuffed out, not long after it start.

Goodbye Ella Grace. Goodbye.

We really don’t understand, but we submissively accept,

That you are not meant to live and be born on this earth,

But someday when all our tears and sorrows are taken,

Your mom and I will look for you, there in heaven.

We’ll see you, Ella Grace, we will see you.

*For all of you who shared in our family’s joy and sorrow, thank you.

Life’s Gifts and Surprises

13 April 2012

7 Comments

Another year. Another birthday. Another year older.

As I ponder on my yet another birthday, I cannot deny the fact that I am not getting any younger. In a few more years, I’ll hit the big 5-0. Then not far along, I will be in the retirement age. And I wish to retire early too. Then after that, what? The “golden” years? Somehow this “gold rush” is nothing I want to rush into. Is it really all downhill from here?

But there’s a lot to be thankful for. I have chased my dream and is living it. Nothing more can I ask for. (Or maybe that one dream of being a rock star got away.) I have a wonderful wife. I have two wonderful kids. The kids are grown up and in a few years they will be off to college and off on their own. I am healthy, or I think I am, and I have never felt better. Except for some ache here, and there, and here, and here, and …….Sorry I digress.

Over the years I have received some awesome birthday gifts. A full army fatigue uniform with matching toy machine gun when I was three. Did I tell you I dreamed of being a soldier when I was a small boy? A battery operated toy fighter jet plane that run in circles and spread open its wings, given by my Ninong, when I was six. I love it, even though I wish it could also fly. A red bicycle when I was eleven. I rode that bike until I was in college, and I even spray painted it purple once with the help of my friends. Purple? Don’t ask.

My favorite birthday gifts though are not cool toys, or some preppy clothes, or expensive gadgets. It is far more priceless than that.

About 2 weeks before my 31st birthday, my eldest child, my daughter, was born. It was an early birthday gift really, and it was a marvelous gift. A gift that just gets more precious as the years goes by. What could be a better gift?

Then nine years ago, exactly on my 36th birthday, my youngest child, my son, was born. It is a gift that keeps on giving. Because my son shares the same birthday with me, since then my birthday celebration turned into a children’s party or pushed into a secondary event. But I don’t mind. I don’t mind it at all.

Life begets life. Wonderful gifts of life. Nothing else can top those birthday gifts, right? Well I was proven wrong!

On this most recent birthday of mine, or just about that time, my wife and I had a surprise. It knocked my socks off and sent me into a tailspin! Quite unexpected, but it is a pleasant surprise.

I know I am getting old, but nothing makes you younger than this kind of life changing event. My wife and I may have shock and apprehensions initially, but now it is turning into delightful anticipation.

My two kids are getting excited too, for they know that love is never divided. It only gets multiplied.

The flowers are blooming. The grass is growing. The birds are singing. It is spring time. Life begins again. In diapers.

spring time in our home

Pagmumuni-muni sa Himpapawid

10 April 2012

6 Comments

Nakatanaw ako sa bintana, habang tumatahak kami sa mga malabulak na alapaap. Isip ko ay lumilipad  patungo sa isang lugar na matagal-tagal ko na ring nais balikan. Ako ay hinehele ng mga kantang sariling atin na aking pinakikinggan habang ako’y naglalakbay.

“Tulad ng isang ibon, tao ri’y lumilipad. Pangarap ang tanging nais, na marating at matupad.” (Tao, originally by Sampaguita)

Parang kailan lamang ay palaboy-laboy ako sa mga kalsada ng Maynila. Parang kahapon lamang ay kasa-kasama ko ang aking mga barkadang kinalakihan. Parang kailan lang ay mag-kakakuntsaba kami sa aming mga batang kalokohan.

Ngunit nang kami ay magkagulang na, kailangan nang salubungin ang mga hamon sa buhay. Namulat sa mundong malupit ang atas, at mabangis ang kumpetisyon. May mga panibagong mga resposibilidad na sa amin ay ipinabalikat. Kailangan itong tuwangin at harapin.

“Dapat ka bang mangibang bayan? Dito ba’y walang kang mapaglagyan? Bakit pa iiwanan ang lupang tinubuan, dito ka natuto ng iyong mga kalokohan. Baka akala mo’y ganun lamang ang mabuhay sa ibang bayan.” (Pinay, originally by Florante)

Matagal-tagal ko ring pinagtuos-tuos ang mga katagang iyan ni Florante. Ngunit dahil na rin sa mahigpit na pangangailangan, at sa mga pangarap na nais habulin, ay napagdesisyunang makipagsapalaran sa ibang bayan.

Magkahalong saya at lungkot ang aking nadama sa aking pag-alis. Saya, dahil mararating ko ang kabilang ibayo ng dalampasigan ng mundo. Ngunit lungkot, dahil kailangang iwan ang mga pamilya’t kaibigan at ang lupa kong kinamulatan.

“Ngunit ika’y maalala, sa mga kwento mong madrama. At hindi malilimutan ang iyong mga kalokohan. At ika’y pag-uusapan at pagtatawanan. Ngunit mangungulila, sa iyong paglisan.” (Ang Buhay Nga Naman, Noel Cabangon)

Lumipas ang mga maraming taon ng paninirahan sa ibang bansa. Subalit kahit sa pagdaan ng mahabang panahon, lagi pa ring sumasamagi sa aking isipan ang lupang aking sinilangan. At sa pagkakataong katulad nito, ay hindi pa rin maiiwasan ang lungkot at kurot sa aking puso na maalala ang mga iniwang mga kamag-anak, kabarkada at bayan.

Kamusta na kaya ang aking sambayanan? Saan na kaya ang aking mga katoto’t mga kaibigan? Tutuong pinakupas na ng panahon ang aming pagbubuklod. Kupas na rin ang aming mga kwento at alaala. Nalimutan na rin kaya ng kahapon ang lahat ng aming mga pinagdaanan at pinagsamahan? Huwag naman sana.

“Lumilipas ang panahon, kabiyak ng ating gunita. Mga puno’t halaman, bakit kailangan lumisan? Panapanahon ang pagkakataon, maibabalik ba ang kahapon.” (Kanlungan, Noel Cabangon)

Kailan ko kaya makikita muli ang aking mga iniwang mahal sa buhay? Kailan ko kaya muli makakasama at muling makipagtawanan sa aking mga kaibigan? Kailan ko kaya muli masisilayan ang lupang Pilipinas? Kailan kaya ako magbabalik sa ating bansa?

Heto na ako. Nasa himpapawid. Lumilipad, lulan ng eroplano. Bumibyahe pabalik sa aming tahanan.

“Huwag sanang hadlangan, ang aking nilalandas, sapagkat ako’y sabik sa aking sinilangan. Bayan ko, nahan ko, ako ngayon’y nag-iisa, nais kong magbalik sa iyo, bayan ko.” (Pagbabalik, originally by Asin)

Sandaling oras na lamang ay matatapos na ang aking paglalakbay. Ilang oras na lang ay lalapag na ang aming eroplano. Sandali na lamang at muling tutungtong ang aking mga paa sa lupa. Tatapak na kaya akong muli sa aking lupang tinubuan?

O hindi! Hindi pa rin pala! Sapagkat tahanan pala sa Iowa ang destinasyon ng eroplanong aking sinasakyan.

Sana naman, sa susunod kong paglipad, Pilipinas na ang aking lalapagan.

*****

(*thoughts from 30,000 feet during our flight from Boston to Des Moines)

(**all songs are quoted from Noel Cabangon’s album, Biyahe)