Retiree’s Regrets

Few nights ago, our group had dinner with one of our former partners who retired a couple of years ago. He appeared healthy and fit than ever and he sounded like he was really enjoying the retiree’s life. After being in practice for over 30 years, he is content for what he had accomplished. When we asked him for some advice, he stated that he had only one regret: that he did not build better and deeper relationships. More meaningful relationship not just with patients, but with partners, other doctors, co-workers, employees and others.

Relationship. This got me thinking. How profound is that advice. Very true, that in our busyness, we don’t really take time to know people that we work with. We don’t know them enough nor we do care enough to know them. We are driven by our productivity, our deadlines, and accomplishing our jobs, that we have no time to build relationships with people.

I don’t think anybody at the end of their career would say, I wish I could have work more days in the office, or submitted one more project on time. Nobody in their deathbed would say, I wish I could have earned another hundred dollars, or another million for that matter. Our regrets would be something much deeper than these. When we are in our deathbed, our 401K, our financial portfolio and even our estate does not mean anything. It will be the relationships we establish with people, that will be treasured.

definitely not my estate

And it is not just the relationship with people at work that is suffering with our busy lives. Even the relationships that really matter, the one we have at home. Many times we forget why we work, and that is to provide for our family. Work is the ‘means’ to support the ‘end’ – our family. But sometimes the ‘means’ becomes the ‘end’, and the supposed ‘end’ (our family), becomes “the end.” How many families have broken because of too much work? Somehow our priorities are mixed up.

I know I will never be the best doctor in the world. I may never be the best doctor in our group. I may not even be the best doctor in our home (who knows if any of my kids will become a doctor someday). But I can be the best husband to my wife, and the best father to my children. And that is what I will strive to be.

I am thankful for the advice of an old and wise doctor. I wish at the end of my career, I will not have the same regrets that he had. Maybe mine would be: I wish I could have played more golf. But I don’t even know how to play golf!

One thought on “Retiree’s Regrets

  1. This is a good piece, it made me think of what’s really important. When I was rushed to ER middle of last year, and I thought I was dying(I’d imagine many people who are rushed to ER would think that way), I didn’t think of work or how much money I had in the bank; I thought of my kids and wished I spent more time with them.

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