Angel’s Wings

It was a dreary snowy day in January. I drove to the hospital with snow coming down and with strong blowing winds, that it was almost a blizzard-like condition. Unlike schools and other offices that can close down for a snow day, hospitals runs business as usual, with or without blizzard. Besides, I am in-charge of the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) that month. I got to be there.

I knew I had a very busy day ahead of me. I had 17 ICU patients to take care of, 5 scheduled bronchoscopy* I need to perform, and 1 new consult for hyperbaric oxygen therapy** I need to dive. It would be a long, long day.

Our ICU was bursting in its seams. It was the height of a “bad” flu season. We were always pressed for beds, and we had to juggle patients, sending them out of the ICU as soon as we stabilized them, only to replace them with more sicker patients.

Then during the course of that day, as if my plate was not yet full, I had 4 more additional admissions to the ICU: 1 coming from the operating room, a patient who had a cardiac arrest while in surgery; 1 coming from the medical floor, a patient who had received a lung transplant years ago and was now in respiratory failure needing mechanical ventilation; 1 patient coming from another hospital who had an advanced liver disease and was on liver transplant list, and now with fulminant hepatic failure; and 1 patient who was brought to the Emergency Room (ER) with fever and chills.

Since there was no more available ICU bed, the patient in the ER had to stay there, until we open up some beds.

That was when I went down to see the patient in the ER. I brought along the senior medical resident with me.

Our patient was in her 70’s. She was diagnosed with malignant melanoma several months back. Unfortunately the melanoma had metastasized to her bones and lungs. She had received several treatments including investigational therapy. In fact, she was involved recently in a clinical trial in Mayo Clinic, and according to them the drug seems to be working, but the study was discontinued and she stopped receiving the said therapy. Needless to say her cancer continued to advance.

Now she presented to our ER with a high-grade fever, shortness of breath, low blood pressure and worsening confusion for 2 days. I reviewed her labs and radiographic tests, and it was consistent with severe pneumonia. Due to her immunocompromised state (from cancer and chemotherapy) she cannot adequately fight the infection. She had an overwhelming sepsis and was in septic shock, a very serious condition.

I swiftly examined the patient, who was barely awake, confused, and was incognizant of her condition. After that, I approached her husband and introduced myself (even though my name and specialty was already clearly embroidered on my white hospital lab coat) and told him the severity of the situation. I gently laid the facts to him that she was indeed critical yet we will give her our utmost care, but mortality can be 50% or higher.

The patient’s husband silently broke down in tears. He told me that she was his best friend, his life’s partner, and wife for 48 joyful years. “Please take care of her and treat her as your own,” he stated submissively.

I politely told him that we will take care of his wife to the best of our ability. That’s when he patted my shoulders and said: “I know you will, I can see your angel’s wings.”

I paused for a moment. Never have I heard those words spoken of me before. I was really touched with his remark. I looked at him straight in the eyes as I respectfully and whole-heartedly thanked him.

I then quickly excused myself. Perhaps he noticed I have tears in my eyes too.

I am not sure I deserve the compliments (frankly, I received a chilly reception on my next patient), for I am merely human as anybody else. But it surely made me fly through a long and difficult day.

IMG_1954

(Photo of the hospital’s center courtyard that I have taken with my iPhone later that day. Please take note of my reflection on the glass window: I have no wings.)

* see related post about bronchoscopy here

** see related post about hyperbaric oxygen therapy here

4 thoughts on “Angel’s Wings

  1. Hi PT. greetings from warmer but not so humid Manila. I’m here for some work and a few days of catching up with old school friends. Wanted to tell you that I’ve been invited to tour the UST grounds by some fellow alums. Turns out some of them have garnered university appointments aside from their day-to-day practices. Will keep you posted about that.

    When I was a lowly medical intern, I used to see these couples in the hospital where one spouse would be deathly ill and the other spouse was so involved and affected by the feared/anticipated loss of the sicker spouse. I have heard plaintive pleas to do whatever it takes to save or preserve the life of the beloved spouse. It is touching to witness. It was during those times when I wished we could do more but could not. Sometimes, we have to help them let go.

  2. I am seeing an angel in white clothes with logo, holding a camera with both hands in this picture. Perhaps that is the angel that the patient’s husband was referring to 🙂

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