Black Friday

Thanksgiving week is the busiest time for travel in the United States. Students who are in distant colleges and universities, family members who have moved away from their parents, and most people who have wandered far, all journeyed back to the place they call home to be with their family.

For a day the family gathered around the table with a spread of bountiful food and gave thanks. For a day the family was one again. Unless you have no family, or you don’t like your family, or you hate food, it is hard not to like this holiday.

Of course for some people this time is for vacation and some time off work. For some it is about parties. For some it is about parades. For some it is all about watching football. And yet for some they make this holiday time all about shopping – the Black Friday event. But primarily, this time is for families and about giving thanks.

I am in charge of the hospital’s ICU this week. I know there’s no good time to be sick and be admitted in the ICU, but being sick during the holidays is terrible. It is particularly difficult for the families involved.

We have one patient who was admitted in our ICU about 10 days ago. He is in his mid 50’s and he got really ill. He has multi-organ failure. Despite all the efforts, he did not get better. He is on mechanical ventilator, on continuous dialysis, and on several medications to keep his heart pumping and blood pressure up, yet he is sliding away. More concerning still is that he is not waking up.

His family would like us to continue our intensive management until many of his family, especially his children, who are in other states could come and see him and then they would say their goodbyes. For one more Thanksgiving, they gathered, though not in front of a bountiful dinner table, but in an ICU room, as one family again. Then today, Black Friday, they decided to transition to full comfort cares and let their father passed on after a final farewell. It’s kind of hard to give thanks in such circumstances.

Sadly to say, that story is not unique to that family.

In another ICU room, a mother who is only 40 years old, has metastatic breast cancer to the brain. She failed all surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy, and is now having frequent seizures. Family would like to keep her in the hospital until Thanksgiving day. Last night they took her home with Hospice to die.

In yet another ICU room, a man who is in his 70’s suffered a large intracranial hemorrhage a week ago. Even after surgery to the brain to evacuate the blood, the patient remains comatose and is in continued vegetative state. The family also would like to have family members from far away places to come on Thanksgiving to see him. Today, they took him off life support.

The saddest of all is in another ICU room. The patient is in his 60’s who had cardiac arrest and prolonged CPR four days ago. We cooled his body down (hypothermia protocol) to try to preserve any brain function. However after we rewarmed his body temperature and discontinue all sedation, he’s not waking up. There is no family members around and we cannot find any one except for a friend that said they don’t know any family of his, and perhaps he is estranged from his family. Both the cardiologist and I felt that continuing life support is medically futile given his significant anoxic brain injury. We let him passed on peacefully, with nobody around him except our ICU staff.

To many, today, Black Friday means bargain sales and wild shopping spree. But in this frantic place, inside these ICU walls, it has a different meaning. It is the solemn color of mourning.

For those of you celebrating this holiday time, may you cherish each moment you have with your family, and commemorate this season in it’s true essence.

(*photo taken with an iPhone)

Huling Paalam

Paalam na sa mga kamay na nag-ugoy sa ‘king duyan,

Nag-aruga, kumupkop, humaplos at nagpatahan,

Mga kamay na gumabay sa aking mga unang hakbang,

Hanggang sa lumaki’t naging responsableng mamamayan.

 

Paalam na sa mga paang walang pagod sa pagsunod,

Humahabol sa akin para ‘di mahulog at matalisod,

Hanggang sa ako’y makatayong matatag at matayog,

Mga paang wala rin sawang ako’y iniluluhod.

 

Paalam na sa mga matang laging mapagmasid,

Mula sa aking kamusmusan, ako’y inilayo sa panganib,

Mga matang dumanas din ng luha at pasakit,

Ngunit ngayo’y nagpahinga na at tahimik nang pumikit.

 

Paalam na sa mga labi na sa aki’y humalik,

Humimok, pumuri, at sa aki’y tumangkilik,

Mga labing ‘di rin nagkulang sa bigay na pangaral,

At lagi akong sambit sa kanyang mga dasal.

 

Paalam na sa mga tengang sa akin ay duminig,

Mula sa sangol kong iyak, hanggang sa lumaking tinig,

Nakinig sa aking mga talumpati, awit, hikbi, at hinaing,

Ang tulang handog na ito, sana ay iyong marinig.

 

Paalam na sa pusong labis na nagmahal,

Sa akin at pati na rin sa aking mga minamahal,

Ang pusong ito, ngayon ay tuluyan nang namayapa,

Ngunit pag-ibig na dulot ay hindi maluluma.

 

Paalam na, paalam na, o aking ina,

Alam kong hindi na tayo muling magkikita,

Kundi doon na sa pinagpalang bagong umaga,

Doon kayo, pati na ni ama’y, muling makakasama.

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(*this poem was written and read for my mother’s eulogy)