Are Resident Doctors Really Doctors?

No, they are not.

According to a recent article (read here) that appeared in Mindanao Times, here are the new essential qualifications for a real doctor.

1. Wears a uniform. Preferably white, and in impeccable condition. One that does not get hot nor dirty even when you’re rushing and answering to all calls, especially in the Emergency Room.

2. Speaks English. It does not matter whether you’re in Manila, or Ilocos, or Cebu, or anywhere in the Philippines (or world) for that matter. It does not matter if the patient you’re attending to speaks Tagalog, or Ilocano, or Ilonggo. You must talk to them in English. That’s how you discern one from an impostor.

3. Knows the “problem” of the patient, even if the patient does not tell them anything about what ills them. They must master the art of foretelling the disease, even without taking history and doing physical exam. In other words, can read crystal balls. Nurses should possess this power too.

4. Must be courteous at all times. Never rude. Even when faced with arrogant yet idiotic patients. If you’re not courteous, that means you are a fake doctor.

5. Must see a demanding patient, right away. Now na! It does not matter if you’re attending to a sicker patient. It does not matter if you’re running a code or doing the CPR itself, or assisting in surgery, or doing a procedure. Your doctor’s license expires within an hour of not seeing the patient.

The following standard eligibility on becoming a real doctor are not needed anymore:

1. Four years of undergraduate degree. Forget it!

2. Another four years of medical (graduate) school. Forget it!

3. One year of post-graduate internship. Forget it!

4. Pass the Philippine (or other country’s) Medical Board Exam. Forget it!

5.  Lastly, no need to do three to seven years (depending on specialty) of Residency after passing the board exam. Remember when you’re a “Resident” doctor, you are a fake doctor.

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(This post is in response to an article with the same title, that was published 7/20/15, in the Opinion section of Mindanao Times, written by Fely V. Sicam)

I’m Writing a Book

After lengthy deliberation, I am finally taking the plunge.

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photo taken at Grand Canyon

 

No, not that plunge.

It’s time for a change. I am quitting my day job!

I am going to be a full-time writer!

I have decided that I will write a book. I have already in contract with Visprint, Inc., the publisher of the widely successful Bob Ong, author of “ABNKKBSNPLAko” and “Stainless Longganisa” among others.

Besides the articles that I have already written on this blog that will be adapted into a book (title: Ang Pagbibinata ng Butiking Walang Dingding), I will also venture on writing fictions.

Why fiction? What qualifications do I have to write this genre?

Consider my resumé:

1. Wrote a book report in high school about an obscure and unheard book, which of course I completely made up. I got an A for the report. Not bad, right?

2. Wrote a case study in Social Science while in college. It is about the struggles of a social deviant in our society, that I interviewed and followed. Except that, that person is non-existent. A fictitious character! I also got an A for it.

3. Published a research paper in medical school about the ill effects of holding a fart, and the benefit to health of letting your gas out unabashed. Of course, the science that back this study is full of air! Sorry for the pun, it is intended. The study was published in a major scientific paper.

So there, I’m fully qualified to be a fiction writer.

And lastly, this article is a just figment (though some may be true?) of my wild imagination.

Happy April Fool’s Day!

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photo taken at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, Hollywood